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Change Is Your Friend

POHC Groshell • Jan 24, 2018

By: Amy Groshell
Happy New Year! I think I can still say that. Many well wishes for a “happy” new year have come my way as I am sure have yours.

When we say “happy” new year I guess I think of 2 things: that it is a blessing spoken over the coming year and that it implies change. The first one is easiest to receive, the later is a bit more complicated. It falls under the category of, “What is your new year’s resolution?”.

If anything, it is a very good thing to stop and reconcile the previous year. To take inventory of the many blessings, challenges, and trials. It is a good thing to process them and, perhaps, consider what you may want to do differently in the coming year. In this vein of thinking the phrase “Happy New Year” implies change.

I don’t know about you, but the older I get the less I like the word change. When you are young any break from the routine is welcome but, as life throws it’s curve balls at you your instinct is to hunker down and avoid being hit by them. Before you know it, change starts looking like your enemy, not your friend. All you want is to “play it safe” and march on in the manner that makes you comfortable and content. But if we just live hunkered down with our head between our knees, we well will miss the beauty before us.

I have a photo to illustrate this point. My first husband, Steele, knew how to embrace life. He was calculated in his planning but always open to plan B, C, D, etc. His motto was “plan for the worse, hope for the best”. He never hesitated to stop in the middle of things and change course. We visited his family in TN and they invited us white water rafting. The throws of autism had left me exhausted and on constant alert. Needless to say, my B vitamins were already depleted as I was in “fight or flight” almost 24 hours a day. I chose the safe seat on he back of the raft next to our expert guide. Steele, conversely and to no one’s surprise, took the seat at the helm. About midway through our cold and unpredictable ride someone snapped a photo which you were given your chance to purchase the photo once the trip was over and we did. I glanced at but didn’t really look at the photo until years later. When I did I was not surprised to see Steele literally holding on with one hand at the tip of the raft with both feet near his ears with mouth wide open while I was no where to be seen. It was if I wasn’t there but I was. I was so fearful of falling out of the raft that I literally was not in the picture. Fear of the worse caused me to miss the whole adventure. This revelation became a life changing moment for me. I would no longer let fear of the unknown paralyze me from embracing the future.

There is no harm in being comfortable and safe especially if you have been blindsided by unforeseen change or personal tragedy. It is our God given instinct to retreat inward and persevere until the storms pass. But if we just live hunkered down with our head between our knees, we well will miss the beauty before us. I called this type of change “outside change” as it was brought upon us, not by our own doing or asking for, but by unwelcome invitation. This change is hardest. Like a turtle who retreats it’s exposed parts into it’s shell, we too must pull inward to survive the predator of uninvited change. It is inside our shell that our faith, core values, and belief systems are deeply challenged. The beauty of this kind of change is that, once it has passed, things we used to hold closely are often deemed frivolous and we can emerge from our shell to live a more authentic life. Hopefully, we are more empathetic and can use our pain to identify and comfort others going through similar unwelcome events. Even with the fruit of suffering, there is a loss that leaves a vulnerability. If you have ever been drawn to a person and can’t put your finger on why, most likely they have endured and survived unwelcomed change.

So…it looks like one can play it safe in an attempt to avoid pain and suffering, receive the gifts of unwelcomed change as gracefully as possible, or be left with one other possibility. Like Steele you could throw your arms (and feet for that matter) open to receive a life that is richer and more full than you could ever plan or imagine on your own. It’s kind of like jumping into a cool pool of water, it shocks and invigorates you all at once. Once acclimatized, a new normal emerges. Growth occurs. Some people call this a “deep dive”. That resonates with me.

Two years after that raft ride, I lost Steele and my Father in a private plane crash. I was caught in a tailspin of unwelcomed change. It felt like someone had dropped me into a turbulent sea. I did my best to tread water but I wasn’t always successful. Finally the seas began to settle and I realized I had a choice. I could either face my future with fear or with peace. Once I realized I had a choice, the answer became obvious. For me, trying to force the outcome of my future only gave me fear. Over time, I concluded that God was a good God. I had always been taught this but my circumstances begged for me to put this theory to the test. Coming to this realization for myself, I realized God had all the pieces of my future already lined up for me. As I walked the beach one day with tear blurred eyes I looked up and there were 5 boats whose bows were pointed directly at me. At the same time I heard, “I already have things lined up for you.” I could walk forward in the new with a feeling of peace knowing that, by holding lightly to my plans, I was giving a greater force the chance to operate in ways that I could not see because my emotions and experience left me blind to them.

As you step out into the new year realize that (as a dear friend of mine often reminds me) “change is your friend”…even unwelcomed change. You may not get to choose your agent of change but you do get to choose how you respond to it. You do have a choice in how you will embrace 2018. I would encourage you to make plans but keep a posture of openness. I like to call this: open hands, open heart. That way you won’t miss a thing!

By Amy Groshell 11 Apr, 2023
A pril is designated as autism awareness month. In today’s world of causes, sometimes I find it hard to keep up with all the causes to be aware of. It used to be a month for our community to post statistics, then was a trend to “light it up blue”, and now we seem to have settled on acceptance. This progression inspired a thought process within me about how awareness evolves into acceptance. Lara’s story demonstrates the transformation from awareness to acceptance well. When Gentry was struggling in her early teens, I had the good fortune to be introduced to Lara’s mom, Carol. Carol was instrumental in helping me navigate a mental health system that was and is unprepared for the influx of young persons with autism like Lara and Gentry. (Many people do not realize that individuals with ASD are seven times more likely to have a secondary diagnosis, many with crippling anxiety, mood swings, depression, and OCD.) I listened to Carol speak of Lara’s story and I found hope. With the right supports, Lara had been able to overcome crippling depression and later found her purpose through baking. Even so, Lara had to face the reality that her life would look different than her brother’s. Until she accepted this fact, Lara was trapped in “awareness” of the limitations of her diagnosis. Finding a place to belong was essential in Lara’s metamorphosis. Peace of Heart Community helps individuals like Lara evolve from awareness to acceptance. Over a year ago Lara started participating in POH Enrichment summertime activities. Because we focus on non-verbal individuals, I was surprised. I was even more ecstatic to learn of Lara’s response to our gatherings. At POH Enrichment Lara found her place as a role-model and leader. As is true in baking, there are always essential ingredients. In life, acceptance is vital to each person’s story. Lara saw how Farmer Josh has inspired people from our community and those around the world who follow us on @POHenrichment. Lara’s story inspired me as I was reminded to not limit the breadth of POHC’s reach. Time and time again I walk onto the property of POH Farm and see beauty all around me. It’s not just the peaceful backdrop and the mossy oaks looming over the fire pit, it is all the stories that surround me. The beautiful individuals we support are finding acceptance and peace within themselves. This is the ultimate autism awareness; that young adults with autism can and do have a place in our community. They deserve a chance to find acceptance and purpose. Awareness that life does not have to be as you assume for it to be beautifu l.
By Amy Groshell 15 Feb, 2023
Keeping Our Crown’s On  At POHC we aim for the heart of the individuals we serve. Designed by our co-founder, Howard Groshell; our logo clearly represents our community (blue) and sustainability (green) pillars upholding the “heart” of the individuals with autism. We put a premium on elevating individuals with autism by helping them reach their dreams. Far from the modular buildings at the very outskirts of any public school’s self-constrained classrooms or the churches who aren’t sure how to include those with added challenges, we desire to give those with autism a real chance at living life alongside their neighbors. Shifting paradigms takes time and patience, especially when opposing the long held narratives of the societal, medical and educational establishments. Even so, change is a worthy and likely goal when we turn life’s steering wheel by even one degree. While it is one thing to value an individual, it is quite another to empower them. Seeing a person’s worth is imperative. In the disability community, the most clear example of this is the recently held special needs prom: Night to Shine. One glorious evening, individuals with disabilities are crowned the Kings and Queens they are. While this lasts a night, our mission is to keep those crowns on year-round. Why is this so challenging? Often in our competitive society we fail to see groups of “non-productive” persons as worthy. Perhaps the needy consciously or subconsciously are placed in a separate category than us producers. We like to keep them in this category so, when we help them, we feel good about ourselves. This is a one-way directional relationship and, while it has value, it would be wrong to make this the ultimate goal. Instead we propose a 2-way mutual exchange relationship fueled by inclusion which allows us to walk side by side and support these valuable individuals through life’s ups and downs. At Peace of Heart Community, we have the chance to change lives 24 hours a day by embracing and facilitating those with autism so they can lead lives with meaning. Yes, we serve; however, we strive to empower. In essence, we give those we embrace permission to be part of our world. This entitles them to live the life they desire. When we empower others we give them the ability to shine brightly in the communities they live in. We allow their inner beauty to be seen by all. Whether it is Farmer Josh giving a farm tour, buying organic produce grown by our Enrichment Program participants, learning about trees from Carter, sampling Lara’ baked goods, or purchasing Gentry’s art; with your support we can ensure a life of meaning for all. This Valentine’s Day and everyday we thank you for all you do to help us uphold the HEART of autism by keeping those crowns on!
By Amy Groshell 09 Jan, 2023
PEACE for the New Year and Always!
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